How can you convince people and win them over for yourself and your own ideas? If you want to learn to argue better, then you've come to the right place. If you want to make our society and the world in which we live better, you have to inspire other people. Be it in the fight against Climate change or against the Plastic waste in the environment. Against Speciesism, racism, sexism or the World hunger.
In this article, I will show you how to make people friends, successfully convince them of your way of thinking, and learn to lead others.
Notice: The tips from this post are my personal summary of "How to win friends & influence people", the book of the former US-American communication and motivation trainer Dale Carnegie. (*1888 - †1955)
How to win people over
First of all, I would like to give you the most valuable tips for winning friends. Because sympathy is a very decisive factor in convincing people of your values and attitudes.
1. do not criticize, condemn and complain
If you want to convince people, you should try to understand them. Just find out why they do what they do. This is much more promising than criticism.
2. give honest and sincere recognition to others
We humans crave recognition. That's why we often do things that others expect of us. Use this knowledge to win the sympathy of your counterpart - and praise honestly and sincerely.
3. awaken an unconditional desire in others
Basically everything we've been doing since we were born happened because we wanted it to happen. As long as one sees no reason to change something, the drive to strive for this change will also be missing. So make sure that your counterpart also feels the desire to bring about a certain change. If you can do that, you can really convince anyone!
4. take a sincere interest in others
Anyone who is not interested in other people's opinions or words will always have problems making friends. In all conceivable life situations. So always try to understand your counterpart and show honest interest. Do also times something absolutely unselfish. Even things that require energy and time. And just be grateful that at that particular moment, you have the chance to convince someone of something significant.
The expression of your face is much more important than the clothes you wear. Every wrinkle, every look, every wrinkle of the nose and every distracting glance reveals more about us than we think. People are rarely successful at the things you do - until they finally enjoy them. So smile honestly and sincerely and enjoy the moment. The impact of a smile is incredibly powerful, even when it's not seen!e
6. consider the meaning of your own name
Not being able to remember a name gives the impression of disinterest. And that is absolutely out of place if we want to win people over. Hearing one's own name is probably the sweetest and most important sound for us humans - no matter in which language.
So develop the uncanny ability to remember the names of people you meet. For example, by recalling it two or three times.
7. be a good listener and encourage others to talk about themselves
Most people like to talk about themselves. Some also just like to hear themselves talk. Use this knowledge and lSpeak to your counterpart sincerely, open-heartedly and without interrupting.. To be interesting, you must also show interest. Because in the presence of a good listener, the harshest criticism suddenly becomes soft.
8. talk about things that interest others
One of the few ways to truly influence people in a lasting way is to talk about what they want for themselves - and show them how to get it. This way you will win people over even easier.
9. make others sincerely aware of being important
We humans crave the feeling of being important in our little world. What does your counterpart have that you honestly admire? Do not hide the answer to this question, but simply say what you find particularly good about him/her. This increases your sympathy values immensely.
How to convince other people of your way of thinking
Now you know how to turn people into friends. However, you still have a long way to go to convince them of your way of thinking. To make that happen, I'd like to give you the following tips for better argumentation.
10. avoid unnecessary arguments
Or as Dale Carnegie wrote, "The only way to get the best out of an argument is to avoid it." Because when you blow off steam or criticize someone severely, you may feel good about yourself - but what about your counterpart? He or she feels humiliated - and would certainly be more easily convinced if he or she came to the particular realization themselves. Control your temper, distrust your first impression, listen, seek common ground, and thank your counterpart. This will bring you closer and closer to your goal.
11. show respect for the opinion of others
Never say things like "You're wrong!" - and don't give the impression that you are. Because we humans don't like to be belittled. Being wrong hurts our pride and self-esteem. For example, start your remarks with the sentence "I can be wrong too, but...", thereby hiding a possible argumentative superiority and giving your counterpart the chance to also recognize and admit that he/she is wrong.
12. if you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically
And once you yourself realize that you are wrong, then you should change your Overcome pride and admit it openly. Through such situations you develop your personality and show your counterpart that you are looking for a real solution and do not just want to strengthen your ego. When you are right, you win people over in a tactful and considerate way. When you're wrong - and this will happen often - we win them over by admitting it quickly, honestly and enthusiastically.
13. start in a friendly way
If you want to convince people, you should first convince them that you are their friend. So find a friendly way to start. Phrases like "I'm really happy to be here" or "Thank you for giving me this chanceFor example, "friendliness" is the key to a good and successful conversation. Your counterpart will most likely also approach you with friendliness.
14. let others say "yes" 2x at the beginning
Ask questions right at the beginning of the conversation that your counterpart is highly certain to answer with a clear yes. When you tell others about a vegan lifestyle If you want to convince someone, you can ask questions such as "You are also against cruelty to animals, aren't you?" or "Would you say that you love animals? As a rule, your counterpart will answer these questions in the affirmative and agree with you. Since he/she has already agreed with you several times, the probability that it will happen even more often increases.
15. give your counterpart the significantly larger share of speech
Let the others talk. That gives you the chance, learn more about the attitude and feelings of your counterpart and ask appropriate questions in a targeted manner. This way, he/she is more likely to come to the conclusion you want to convince him/her of. So ask questions rather than too much know-it-all yakking. Find out what they have achieved or like to do and only tell them about your achievements when asked.
16. ENCOURAGE OTHERS TO FEEL THAT THEY HAVE COME UP WITH THE IDEA THEMSELVES
"If you want enemies, tower over your friends. If you want friends, let your friends tower over you." says Dale Carnegie. We don't have to put on airs just because we're right about something. Even better, when something comes to mind that we want to convince others of, we can create the feeling that they came up with it themselves. This works, for example, by making suggestions - rather than telling someone what to do.
17. try to see things from the other person's point of view
Any idiot can judge others - what not everyone can do is put themselves in the mind of others. But that's where the key to winning other people's sympathy lies. Ask yourself "How would I feel or how would I react if I were in his/her shoes right now?" - Your appropriate behavior will make your counterpart cooperative. Show that your counterpart's feelings and ideas are as important to you as your own.
18. sympathize with the ideas and wishes of your counterpart
"I don't blame you. If I were you, I would undoubtedly feel the same way you do." - Just one simple sentence is enough to make others listen to you, be less offended, and show good will. Show sympathy and you will get it back.
19. appeal to the "better self
Most people have two reasons to do certain things: one sounds good and the other is real. Try to break through the initial facade of your counterpart and find out the real motives and values that drive him/her.
20. give life to your ideas
Can you concentrate for long on a conversation whose content you find boring? Honor doesn't, does it? If you want to convince people, you have to Enthusiasm show and Arouse emotions. Your story and the images you describe must be gripping. Otherwise, only a few people are interested in your opinion - regardless of whether it makes the world a better place or not.
21. challenge others
Change is extremely difficult for us humans - but we always long very much to outshine others and be successful. Yes, we long for recognition. That is why we need to Create challenges and competitionsthat make these changes more exciting. This is an extremely valuable tip for convincing people of your own way of thinking.
How to take the lead
Now you know how to win friends and convince people. But there's more! After all, someone has to take the lead and lead movements against injustices in our world, for example. So here are some valuable tips that will help you lead people.
22. start with praise and sincere appreciation
It is always easier to hear unpleasant things when you have heard positive things before. So if you want to criticize someone, say beforehand things that he/she is sincerely good at or has done well.
23. make others indirectly aware of your mistakes
As nicely mentioned, nobody wants to hear sentences like "You're wrong". Not even after being praised to the skies beforehand. You can easily get around this circumstance by remove the word "but" from your vocabulary and replace it with "and".. Want an example? No problem: "I'm very proud of you Maria, that your school grades have improved AND if you keep this up, you'll be one of the best next year too."
24. speak of your own mistakes before you criticize
Nobody likes know-it-alls - and nobody likes hypocrisy. All the more sympathetic we find it when someone tells of his own mistakes and is just not perfect. We then accept the knowledge much easier to avoid these mistakes ourselves and to learn from the mistakes of others. So ask yourself what mistakes you have made and tell others about them. You find a spelling mistake in your colleague's text? Then say "I've made that mistake so many times, too" - and the correction will be more easily accepted than if you say "you've done something wrong here".
25. ask questions instead of giving instructions
You'd much rather learn from your misbehavior if you've figured out for yourself that it was or is wrong. ask questions, leave this knowledge to your counterpartwithout you having to "rebuke" him/her. He/she keeps his/her pride and you achieve an improvement.
26. let your counterpart save face
It's a terrible feeling to have to give someone notice. Or to tell someone in front of all colleagues how violent a certain mistake was. But it is possible to bring such things over the stage with dignity. In your explanation, refer primarily to the things this person did well, rather than just harping on the mistake.
27. really praise every improvement warmly and appreciatively
"Praise is like sunlight to the warm human spirit" said psychologist Jess Lair. We crave affirmation and recognition. Therefore, you should also praise every improvement, even the slightest. Be warm in your appreciation and generous with your praise. This is how you win others over to you and your beliefs.
28. show others that you value them very highly
By praising other people and explaining your importance to them, you make sure they live up to their reputation. This also works when someone has made a mistake. For example, by behaving as if this particular quality that you want from your counterpart is already one of his character traits.
29. encourage others and GIVE them the feeling that they can easily correct mistakes
You want someone to improve and develop? Then you should give him/her the feeling that this is quite easily possible, because he/she basically already does or can do that. If someone says, for example, "I could never eat vegan", then I simply say "you already eat vegan for the most part". After all, it's not just animal products that are on your plate, but mostly pasta, dough, rice, peas, carrots, apples, rolls, cauliflower, and all the other plant-based foods. If you want to convince people important to convey that you are already on the right track.
30. motivate your counterpart to gladly implement your suggestions
Don't even allow anyone to become unhappy about following your ideas and instructions. Be sincere, know what you want from your counterpart at all times, be empathetic, consider the benefits to him/her, match those benefits to your counterpart's desires, and then when you ask for something, package it in a way that benefits him/her most of all. This will definitely make you a better leader and help you persuade people for the rest of your life.
My Summary Of The Book "How To Win Friends & Influence People"
Me has this book* That's why I can recommend it to you with the utmost conviction. I will also always like to refer to this summary myself. Because the ability to win people's sympathy for yourself or a specific, positive project is something that opens an infinite number of doors in life.
I hope you can use the tips for better argumentation and more convincing appearance for a positive change in your life and in our society. Do you have any questions or suggestions? Or can you think of other advice? Then feel free to drop me a comment.
PS.: You want to change your Make life even easier? Then be sure to read the linked blog type now! Have fun with the implementation!